Someday

Someday I will get my horse trained. Someday I will repaper my kitchen cabinets and sort out all the things I don't need and put them in a garage sale. Someday I will get the attic more organized. Someday I will visit the people I love more. Someday I will repaint the porch and while I am at it the entire house. Someday I will go to bed early and stay in bed the next morning as long as I want. Someday I will know what it is like to be loved. Someday I will finish my books. Someday I will mend relationships that need mending. Someday I will finish all the quilts I have plans for. Someday I will cut a record with all the songs I have written over the years. Someday I will pick up my guitar and start practicing again. Someday I will start back to church. Someday I will read through the Bible. Someday I will become the woman I know I can be. Someday I will feel all my efforts have been worth it. Someday I will clean out my SUV. Someday I will start and finish scrap books for all my pictures. Someday I will take a vacation to Ireland. Someday I know what it is like to graduate with my bachelors. Someday I will learn to not sweat the little stuff. Someday I will have the love and respect of my sons. Someday I will start working on Someday.

I can see the end getting closer and closer, just not fast enough. I really miss having a few minutes to myself. But however, I guess on the bright side I will have completed half of my degree requirements. It sure seems like it has been much longer than just four months. It feels like forever. I am looking forward to camping at the lake and just chilling with my family. My brother Dennis always keeps me laughing and I could use a good laugh now and again. My roses are looking great and my millions bells are in full bloom. I need to weedeat but it will have to wait until I get a moment to myself. I am going to have a lot of weeds to pull as well. I am going to try to get my tomato plants out if it will ever stop raining. Well so much for keeping ahead of things. I am tired and I can't think of anything more at the moment to write about.

Grass That Makes Me High

I love the spring. I love everything about it, the new leaves appearing on the trees and the flowers blooming. What really seems to set spring into motion is the green grass. One day it seems like everything is lifeless and then you wake up one morning and everything is green. The grass seems to go on forever and it is exhilerating. The green grass makes you feel like your spirit is reborn and you feel rejuvenated. You make plans and you seem more focused. One day you can hardly convince yourself to roll out of bed and the next morning you can't wait to greet the day. People take anti depressants more in the winter than in the spring and the elderly sink into depression over the winter months. Spring comes and the world is set right again. Even though nothing has changed the world looks like a better place. There is hope that springs up with every blade of grass that appears. If we could only bottle the feeling when spring comes, so we could take it all year long. I have even noticed in the students on campus that there is a spring in their walk and they walk with a purpose. They are more animated in their conversations and actions. Amazing what a little grass can do for a persons outlook on life.

The Times They Are Changing

I remember when I looked forward to tagging along with my father to go get auto parts because I knew he would buy me a pop and we didn't have pop at home. The taste of a pop when you don't get them all the time is a real treat. Sometimes I would get strawberry and sometimes I would get orange or rootbeer. Once in a while when we went grocery shopping on Fridays I would get a malt at Tasty Freeze. I remember how good it tasted. These are very vivid memories that are forever etched in my mind about experiences I had as a child. What I see today are kids that drink pop instead of water, they have junk food within reach at all times and they don't appreciate anything because they are given everything. It's no big deal to kids today when mom and dad spend half a weeks salary on some new gadget or pair of jeans they want. They don't appreciate what they are given because it is given to them. It isn't worked for or earned. If you eat ice cream whenever you want you don't learn to savor the flavor of an occassional dish. They won't remember how good something tastes or how good something feels or an experience that was worth remembering, because they have more than they need. What makes something more valuable to us is the fact that we can't experience it everyday. If you had everything you wanted, life would get mundane after awhile. There wouldn't be the same anticipation and excitement over the simple joys. It really saddens my heart to think that kids today are missing out on those memories that were made special because they were few are far between. Technology has stolen the heart of childhood.

Sick of the Word Cancer

I thought we were past the cancer scare, but my mom found a lump in her breast and they did a mammogram on it and an ultra sound. I am taking her to the cancer doctor on Tuesday. I am praying that it is benign. They said it didn't look good but I know God works miracles and I am trusting in him for a miracle. I am falling apart right now. I am getting ready for finals in nine classes and trying to deal with my mom's health issues. She is the reason I am hurrying my education, so she can see me graduate. I am usually the rock in my family but I feel so alone right now. Sometimes life gets bigger than all of us. I am sick of the word cancer. My sister died of cancer and now my mom is facing it. I hate the word. I need to take a deep breath and and keep my eyes on the horizon. No race is ever won by staying on the starting line. I will run this race and I will come out victorious. God promises that our burdens will not be carried alone. I need to keep reminding myself that mom is a tough woman. She had ten kids, endured the passing of a husband, daughter and four grandchildren. She has had a major heart attack, she has diabetes, emphezema, osteoporosis and now a lump in her breast. She will be fine. She has to be fine, because I am not ready to lose her.

Teachers

Sometimes, I am amazed by some people who want to become educators. I have some teachers who seem to grade more on whether or not they like you, than on your abilities. You don't have to do anything to them or say anything to them, they just decide they don't like you and it is reflected in your grade, regardless of your abilities. I have one teacher who makes me sick. He flirts with a particular student throughout class and we are all aware of what he is doing. The one thing I have learned about getting my education is, you are better off taking classes online. Your teacher can't discriminate against you if they never meet you. It really is unfair to all students involved. You can have all the abilities in the world but if a teacher decides for whatever reason they don't like you, there goes your A. I get really frustrated by this. I pay to get an education and I put forth great effort to that end. One of my teachers always tries to draw us into discussions and then when our opinions differ, it reflects in our grades. Is this really what college education has become? What happened to education being about learning? I have always thought the idea of college was to further your education. If a teacher sees that you are putting for your efforts and making progress it should reflect in your grade. What I see now in class rooms, is discrimination. You have to be either a butt kissing flirt or a silent lamb in order for a teacher to give you the grade you work so hard to earn. So far my education has been disappointing. The classes I thought would be horrible are the ones I enjoy the most. English 101 has made me feel successful. I work hard at putting together my essays and I am rewarded for my efforts. Middle East history was a class I had to take and I really enjoy it. It of course is also online. I am so appreciative of these two classes. Out of nine classes, I have two that make me feel like my effort is well spent. There is always a silver lining.:)

Easter

Today turned out to be a very beautiful day, even though a bit chilly. The sun was shining and it wasn't raining. My sons came for lunch and stayed to watch a movie and hunt two Easter eggs that I fill with $20 bills. They hate that I make them hunt for them but like most men they can't resist money. We had a good visit today and I went right back to homework when they left. I can't wait till this semester is over even though I will be going during the summer too. Nine classes have kind of left me drained. We have a family campout May 18th - 27. It's kind of like a family reunion. We all gather at the lake and camp out for a week. We bring our instruments and have a great time singing, fishing, camping and swimming. I can't wait for the break. I was walking 8 miles a day and since the semester started I am lucky to get in a 20 minute walk on the treadmill. I made homemade bread today. Just what I need around the house while I am being inactive. This weather is enough to drive you crazy, warm one day and cold the next. I guess we will never get bored. I wish I had more time to read other people's blogs. Some of them are interesting. Well time for algebra. Have a great week!