Someday

Someday I will get my horse trained. Someday I will repaper my kitchen cabinets and sort out all the things I don't need and put them in a garage sale. Someday I will get the attic more organized. Someday I will visit the people I love more. Someday I will repaint the porch and while I am at it the entire house. Someday I will go to bed early and stay in bed the next morning as long as I want. Someday I will know what it is like to be loved. Someday I will finish my books. Someday I will mend relationships that need mending. Someday I will finish all the quilts I have plans for. Someday I will cut a record with all the songs I have written over the years. Someday I will pick up my guitar and start practicing again. Someday I will start back to church. Someday I will read through the Bible. Someday I will become the woman I know I can be. Someday I will feel all my efforts have been worth it. Someday I will clean out my SUV. Someday I will start and finish scrap books for all my pictures. Someday I will take a vacation to Ireland. Someday I know what it is like to graduate with my bachelors. Someday I will learn to not sweat the little stuff. Someday I will have the love and respect of my sons. Someday I will start working on Someday.

I can see the end getting closer and closer, just not fast enough. I really miss having a few minutes to myself. But however, I guess on the bright side I will have completed half of my degree requirements. It sure seems like it has been much longer than just four months. It feels like forever. I am looking forward to camping at the lake and just chilling with my family. My brother Dennis always keeps me laughing and I could use a good laugh now and again. My roses are looking great and my millions bells are in full bloom. I need to weedeat but it will have to wait until I get a moment to myself. I am going to have a lot of weeds to pull as well. I am going to try to get my tomato plants out if it will ever stop raining. Well so much for keeping ahead of things. I am tired and I can't think of anything more at the moment to write about.

Grass That Makes Me High

I love the spring. I love everything about it, the new leaves appearing on the trees and the flowers blooming. What really seems to set spring into motion is the green grass. One day it seems like everything is lifeless and then you wake up one morning and everything is green. The grass seems to go on forever and it is exhilerating. The green grass makes you feel like your spirit is reborn and you feel rejuvenated. You make plans and you seem more focused. One day you can hardly convince yourself to roll out of bed and the next morning you can't wait to greet the day. People take anti depressants more in the winter than in the spring and the elderly sink into depression over the winter months. Spring comes and the world is set right again. Even though nothing has changed the world looks like a better place. There is hope that springs up with every blade of grass that appears. If we could only bottle the feeling when spring comes, so we could take it all year long. I have even noticed in the students on campus that there is a spring in their walk and they walk with a purpose. They are more animated in their conversations and actions. Amazing what a little grass can do for a persons outlook on life.

The Times They Are Changing

I remember when I looked forward to tagging along with my father to go get auto parts because I knew he would buy me a pop and we didn't have pop at home. The taste of a pop when you don't get them all the time is a real treat. Sometimes I would get strawberry and sometimes I would get orange or rootbeer. Once in a while when we went grocery shopping on Fridays I would get a malt at Tasty Freeze. I remember how good it tasted. These are very vivid memories that are forever etched in my mind about experiences I had as a child. What I see today are kids that drink pop instead of water, they have junk food within reach at all times and they don't appreciate anything because they are given everything. It's no big deal to kids today when mom and dad spend half a weeks salary on some new gadget or pair of jeans they want. They don't appreciate what they are given because it is given to them. It isn't worked for or earned. If you eat ice cream whenever you want you don't learn to savor the flavor of an occassional dish. They won't remember how good something tastes or how good something feels or an experience that was worth remembering, because they have more than they need. What makes something more valuable to us is the fact that we can't experience it everyday. If you had everything you wanted, life would get mundane after awhile. There wouldn't be the same anticipation and excitement over the simple joys. It really saddens my heart to think that kids today are missing out on those memories that were made special because they were few are far between. Technology has stolen the heart of childhood.

Sick of the Word Cancer

I thought we were past the cancer scare, but my mom found a lump in her breast and they did a mammogram on it and an ultra sound. I am taking her to the cancer doctor on Tuesday. I am praying that it is benign. They said it didn't look good but I know God works miracles and I am trusting in him for a miracle. I am falling apart right now. I am getting ready for finals in nine classes and trying to deal with my mom's health issues. She is the reason I am hurrying my education, so she can see me graduate. I am usually the rock in my family but I feel so alone right now. Sometimes life gets bigger than all of us. I am sick of the word cancer. My sister died of cancer and now my mom is facing it. I hate the word. I need to take a deep breath and and keep my eyes on the horizon. No race is ever won by staying on the starting line. I will run this race and I will come out victorious. God promises that our burdens will not be carried alone. I need to keep reminding myself that mom is a tough woman. She had ten kids, endured the passing of a husband, daughter and four grandchildren. She has had a major heart attack, she has diabetes, emphezema, osteoporosis and now a lump in her breast. She will be fine. She has to be fine, because I am not ready to lose her.

Teachers

Sometimes, I am amazed by some people who want to become educators. I have some teachers who seem to grade more on whether or not they like you, than on your abilities. You don't have to do anything to them or say anything to them, they just decide they don't like you and it is reflected in your grade, regardless of your abilities. I have one teacher who makes me sick. He flirts with a particular student throughout class and we are all aware of what he is doing. The one thing I have learned about getting my education is, you are better off taking classes online. Your teacher can't discriminate against you if they never meet you. It really is unfair to all students involved. You can have all the abilities in the world but if a teacher decides for whatever reason they don't like you, there goes your A. I get really frustrated by this. I pay to get an education and I put forth great effort to that end. One of my teachers always tries to draw us into discussions and then when our opinions differ, it reflects in our grades. Is this really what college education has become? What happened to education being about learning? I have always thought the idea of college was to further your education. If a teacher sees that you are putting for your efforts and making progress it should reflect in your grade. What I see now in class rooms, is discrimination. You have to be either a butt kissing flirt or a silent lamb in order for a teacher to give you the grade you work so hard to earn. So far my education has been disappointing. The classes I thought would be horrible are the ones I enjoy the most. English 101 has made me feel successful. I work hard at putting together my essays and I am rewarded for my efforts. Middle East history was a class I had to take and I really enjoy it. It of course is also online. I am so appreciative of these two classes. Out of nine classes, I have two that make me feel like my effort is well spent. There is always a silver lining.:)

Easter

Today turned out to be a very beautiful day, even though a bit chilly. The sun was shining and it wasn't raining. My sons came for lunch and stayed to watch a movie and hunt two Easter eggs that I fill with $20 bills. They hate that I make them hunt for them but like most men they can't resist money. We had a good visit today and I went right back to homework when they left. I can't wait till this semester is over even though I will be going during the summer too. Nine classes have kind of left me drained. We have a family campout May 18th - 27. It's kind of like a family reunion. We all gather at the lake and camp out for a week. We bring our instruments and have a great time singing, fishing, camping and swimming. I can't wait for the break. I was walking 8 miles a day and since the semester started I am lucky to get in a 20 minute walk on the treadmill. I made homemade bread today. Just what I need around the house while I am being inactive. This weather is enough to drive you crazy, warm one day and cold the next. I guess we will never get bored. I wish I had more time to read other people's blogs. Some of them are interesting. Well time for algebra. Have a great week!

Freedom of Speech

I rarely get a chance to look at everyone's blogs but sometimes I get a spare moment, although rare, to take a peek. Mikebspetpeeves.blogspot.com had an interesting discussion going on about welfare. I think some of the people posting got a little heated in their opinions but my thought on the subject is thank God we have freedom of speech. No matter what your opinion, no matter how one sided, narrow or twisted, you can speak it loud and clear in the United States of America. One reason I guess my mind is so much on Freedom of Speech these days is the fact that I am studying Business Law and we have been talking about it quite often. I wrote a speech for my Public Speaking Class on the war in Iraq and I went to Mikes web site. There are so many things that perhaps we could not discuss in person and the blogs allow us the freedom to open up a little more than perhaps we would in class. There are things that I hear every day that I don't like, but I would like it even less it we couldn't hear anything at all. One of the reasons I started this blog is because I got sick of hearing negative stuff constantly. I notice there have not been many people to my site and I think it is because I don't have any bad news or hotly debated issues to talk about. Thats okay, because this is my opportunity to think of all that is good in my life and I don't have to share it with anyone to be happy. It would be nice to hear how other people had positive things that happened in their lives, but it is what it is. My life is by no means a bed of roses and I find that if I look hard enough and find something positive to be thankful for it releases my tension, much better than complaining does. Well, its getting late and I have been studying all day so adios.

Encouragement

How many times have we talked to someone we thought might be a little down? We thought about giving words of encouragement but didn't. Every day it seems I am in contact with people who need a word of encouragement. That person is sometimes me. With nine classes and four midterms coming up this week, homework like you wouldn't believe, I am swamped. The thing is I usually handle it quite well. I work through the stress, push onward and get pretty good grades. I have a teacher in my public speaking class however, who either hates me or is just not interested in a student's best interest. I wrote an outline that I took an enormous amount of time to perfect, practiced my speech, and gave my speech. It was actually much better than I expected because I was sick. I had asked my teacher if I could postpone my speech till the following week when the second half of the class gave their speeches but she wanted me to give it. I had several people tell me it was really good. She gave me a B. There are other people in my class whose speeches were not well prepared for that got better grades. I wanted to cry. I can accept a lower grade when I have not done my best, but when people who are running way over their time limits, forgetting the words and stopping in the middle of their speeches are doing better than I am, it is very discouraging. I really think she doesn't like me. I am not a shy person about standing up for what I believe but how do you approach a teacher who doesn't like you and will probably dislike you more after you talk to her? I am not being over sensitive. I am being realistic. I thought about dropping the class because I want to be graded for my efforts and improvements by someone who is fair with everyone. I won't though, I will stick it out and do my very best and know in my heart I put forth my best effort. I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that I have many classes that are much much more difficult that I am carrying an A in. If I had a B in one of those I wouldn't be so upset because I would know why. Any way, I said all that to say this. It is one of my personal goals in life to try and uplift other's spirits. Sometimes just a compliment from the heart or a small word of encouragement can change someones day or even their outlook. One thing I really enjoy about our English class is that we all critique each other in a way that is helpful and not downgrading. We each give compliments where compliments are due. If you get a compliment from me, it is from the heart. If I don't see anything to compliment, I won't tell you a lie, I just won't comment at all. Usually, it is not a problem because everyone it seems has created some very good essays. Soooooooooo, the next time you see a classmate or someone you meet who looks like they could use a good word, give it. You will make someones day brighter and in turn your own.

Spring Break

Well, spring break is almost over and it feels like it hasn't even started. With 9 classes I guess there really is no break. I have exams right after spring break so it is study, study, study. The good news is that I actually have time to study. I took my mother to the hospital for cataract surgery on Monday and back for a followup on Tuesday. She is able to see again which is great. Well since it is spring break, this is short and sweet. Hope everyone has taken advantage of spring break and are rested up for the 2nd round.

God Watches Over Me

Thursday night three of our calves busted part of the fence and got out on the highway. Our highway is well traveled and cars usually go by at 70 to 80 miles per hours. We immediately went out to try and gather them back in. I spotted two of them by the side of the road. I stopped on the highway with my flashers on and was going to direct them back in towards the field and away from the road but there was a car coming toward me. I stood in front of the headlights of my vehicle waving wildly trying to stop the driver long enough to tell him there were calves close to the road and to proceed slowly after I got them back into the field. The driver ignored me and swerved just in time to avoid hitting me. He went around me and accelerated and hit one of the calves. The calf flew over both lanes and landed in the opposite field. He got up once and then fell back down. He died a half hour later. There were other people luckily, who saw me try to stop him and saw him almost hit me as he went around me and accelerated. I was so very lucky that the car didn't hit me. The driver was issued a citation for failure to reduce speed. God was watching over me. Even in the lowest times in my life, I have always been aware that without God's intervention, it could have been much worse.

Wonderful Weather

Sounds kind of corny to talk about the weather but when spring is only a few weeks away and we have warmer weather like we do right now, I feel like talking about the wonderful things it brings our way. I noticed on campus today that they have planted some new flowers and some other flowers are already coming up through the ground. Spring always reminds me of new life. Kind of like a starting over period. The flowers bloom, the grass becomes green and the birds start to sing. Our cows usually have their calves in the spring. There is new life everywhere. I had a really tough week this week but seeing all the signs of spring made me feel better. We sometimes go so fast through life that we fail to see the beauty around us. I used to sneak out of the house when I was a kid and go lay on the flatbed hay truck and stare up at the stars. Just the smells of the outdoors and the cool breeze blowing across my body was enough to put me to sleep. I really love snow and wintertime but when spring comes, I am just as happy to it. I hope everyone enjoys their spring break and uses it as a time to renew their spirit. We could all use a little break..

My Katydid

I love children. I have loved children since I was a little girl myself. Having grown up in a large family I was used to being around kids. Sometimes I wonder why I get so attached to children. I think the answer is that children are innocent and sweet. They don't say things to hurt you and they don't care if you are pretty, what clothes you are wearing or the size of your bank account. They love you for who you are. Spending time with children is so rewarding for me. Every once in a while I get super attached to a particular child and Katydid is such a child. She is my great niece. The daughter of Rachel, whom I also spoiled when she was young. I usually take my nephews and nieces throughout the summer months for a couple weeks at a time. I first watched Katy when she was six months old. I absolutely fell head over heels. She was such a sweet little girl. Always smiling and what a smile she has. She can melt your heart. She is such a beautiful little girl on the outside and her personality matches. She lights up a room when she enters it. She has such a sweet way about her that you just want to hug her all the time. She loves to feed the cows on the farm and feed Angel our horse. I don't think there is anything she doesn't like to do outside. When she leaves to go back home, I miss her terribly and my heart feels like it will break. I usually spend the next week crying because I miss her and start thinking about how I can talk her momma into letting me have her for a couple more weeks. I love all my nephews and nieces like they were my own. They are very precious to me. I wanted to share Katydid with you all ,so you can see what sunshine looks like closeup. I don't have any of her best pictures on my computer but her best picture couldn't do her justice.

My Cat Priest Holmes

I have a cat that I named Priest Holmes. I named him Priest Holmes because I am a KC Chiefs fan and Priest Holmes is a running back for the Chiefs. Anyway, Priest was just a kitten when my huband brought him into the house and I bottle fed him and tried to save him. There were two white kittens. I was unable to save one of them but Priest hung in there. I have never had an indoor cat before. I am an animal lover but we grew up with dogs not cats and so my images of how bad cats could be was pretty one sided. I thought of them as being smelly and peeing all over everything and their litter boxes smelling up the place. I couldn't let the little guy die so I nursed him to health and when he was strong enough to go outside, I just couldn't do it. I had fallen in love with the little bugger. He is very spoiled and I adore him. When I am doing my homework, he gets jealous and wants to lay on my books so I can't read. He actually fetches just like my dog. They both want my attention and are very jealous animals. I was so wrong about cats being smelly. I clean his litter box everyday and you would never know we have a cat in the house. He is very clean and never messes anywhere but his litter box. I guess it goes to show how wrong you can be about things when you go on hearsay. I am glad I saved him because he as been a wonderful addition to our family.

I spent four days in the hospital this past week. I was having chest pain and my cardiologist said I needed to go to the emergency room and be checked out. I told him I have lots of homework to do so he said instead of going to Barnes I could go to St. Elizabeths and get checked out there. I went to St. Elizabeths and they would not release me to go see my cardiologist on my own or drive myself to Barnes. My ekg showed I was not having a heart attack. I have a dialted assending thoracic aorta. They are afraid of dissection which can occur. If it does I don't have long to get to the hospital. When I was first told about it, I cried because the surgery to correct the problem is very risky so they don't perform the operation until it reaches a certain size. Because it is so close to my heart valve, it is more risky. Dissection is when the inside layer of your aorta tears and leaks into the outer layers. You can bleed to death very quickly. So anyway they send me to Barnes by ambulance. I felt really stupid because I wasn't sick and they really only needed to do an MRA on me. MRA is the same thing as an MRI just specialized for the aorta. I understand why they were taking precautions. They kept me in the hospital for four days and I got a really good understanding of just how bad nurses have gotten. I had maybe two good nurses the whole time I was in there. The rest could kill someone who didn't feel well enough to speak for themselves. I was in a room with an older woman who had a heart attach and she was also a diabetic. They took their time getting her a shot when her blood sugar shot up because they brought her the wrong food. I finally threatened to leave under my own authorization if they didn't let me out because I had two evening classes on Monday and I cannot affort to get behind with 9 classes. So they called my cardiologist and they did some more tests and let me go. The silver lining to all of this is that I got some badly needed rest and was able to take care of the lady in the room with me. There is always something good to be thankful for.

Flowers

I have loved flowers since I was little. My father loved roses and after he retired he planted his roses. I would plant any package of seeds I could get my hands on. I love carnations they are my favorite. I love the way fresh cut flowers make the house smell and the way they brighten up a room yet I can never seem to bring myself to cut them. I have planted vegetable gardens my whole life but never had much experience with flowers. I may not know much about arrangement or landscaping but flowers, any flowers bring me joy. I love to give flowers to people for their birthdays, to say thank you, for any holiday or any reason. Flowers were meant to be shared. I enjoy lilac bushes when they bloom and there is a little bit of breeze to bring the fragrance to you. I love to see the Easter lilies pop through the ground letting me know that spring is here. It maybe three or four months away but I can visualize them now, bringing color to the front lawn. Flowers were meant to be enjoyed while we are alive. It's pretty hard to enjoy them after we are gone.

NO CANCER

I took my mother to the doctor today and she doesn't have cancer. Her doctors had originally thought she might have cancer but it turns out that she doesn't. Praise God. My mother just celebrated her 85th birthday and has had a major heart attack, diabetes, osteoarthritis and many other ailments but she just keep going like the energizer bunny. She is the mother of ten children with me being the youngest. She is a wonderful mother who deserves the very best. Her Grandchildren love her to pieces. She always has a kind word to say about everyone. I guess we all think our mothers are the best but I would be astonished to find a mother that is more deserving than mine.

My cuties

This is a picture of my little nieces and nephews petting my horse Promised Angel. They are so adorable. They spend two weeks every summer with me. They live in Missouri. They are such cutie pies. The little girl is Katy, the other girl is Schanda and the little boy is Isaiah. They are 2, 7, 6 respectively. They are brother and sisters.

Bearer of Good News

Everytime I hear of another child abducted, another murder, another rape, my heart breaks. I decided that what would really be worth sharing is good news. The stuff we wouldn't hear about in the paper or on the news. Share what is going on in your world. Did your kids do something that made you proud? Did you get an A on your final? How about sharing information on great places to eat, fish, vacation? Share something that touched your heart or a moving story you heard. See any good movies recently?

I want to share with you someone's success story. I girl I know used to be a smoker, drug addict and alcoholic. She stole to support her addiction. She was brought up by good parents and before she got on drugs and alcohol she was a very sweet person. She was caught for stealing and made a decision to turn her life around. She quit smoking, drugs and alcohol over two years ago and is currently going to college and working a full time job. Her life was such a mess before and to see how different her life is now still amazes me. The fact that she didn't kick one habit but three and never looked back is inspiring. She had to learn to love herself again and forgive herself for allowing drugs and alcohol to drag her to the bottom. I am so very proud of her and I let her know every chance I get. Her story makes me believe I can do anything if I want it bad enough.